fate, you evil bitch.

dear flight vx97 seat 10A,

i’m sorry i never responded to your texts/calls/emails/invitations etc. i’m not interested. no, not even for coffee. but since i was such a massive bitch and we’ve been seated next to each other through some disgusting twist of fate, i suppose i can be nice to you for the 5 hour flight. but jeez, kid, stop coming on so strong, you’re freaking out the woman in the aisle seat. and i’m about to throw myself out that emergency exit. fate, you evil bitch, i’ve learned my lesson. i’ll be nicer. 

xx,

10B

see this: where the antelope play.

Sometimes en-route from dc to australia it totally makes sense to take a detour through bozeman, montana. DUH. You will be woken up by a moose about to charge through your bedroom window! It will scare the shit out of you! But that’s okay, because later you will go ice-fishing, ski, or maybe even go to a “ghetto” dj party hosted at a tourist hemp shop. You can even sneak through airport security dressed as a cowboy! But eventually, you might get thrown out, like this guy. But whatever, go ride off into the sunset.

back when I was your age: USA, 1975

the great outdoors: yes. oversized circus tents: yes. long surfer hair and  patchy mustaches: yes. tight jeans and mini longboards: um, duh.

make this: do it yourself office.

The time had come when I decided I needed to create a real life workspace. I wanted to spend close to $0 and avoid at all costs the ever prevalent but tragically ugly office decor. The spending $0 was alas… unfeasible but with a little ingenuity, a killer idea (stolen from our empire’s headquarters) and a lot of spray paint I managed to create a place I enjoy more than my bed (which although comfy does not encourage optimal work doing). First I raided Salvation Army of ALL (and I mean ALL) of their frames. This happened exactly 7 minutes before they closed and so it was really like that game show where they let you go into a grocery store and fill your cart with as much as you can in 3 minutes…only instead of picking up cheez doodles and hot pockets I scored frames. I spray painted the frames and an old tacky bulletin board in black, hung them on the walls (sans photos) and volià…instant trendy office.

hear this: last tide.

DC-based last tide played at the r&r hotel last weekend, and I don’t remember much except that the singer had a bad-ass lip ring, the drummer had nice hair, I was inexplicably wearing a mask, it was really cold outside and the volume was up so loud I went upstairs to get away from the noise. Fail me. Luckily, I gave them another listen and decided the hotel’s sound system was to blame. I have found the perfect hazy, melancholic, powder-skiing track: shapeshifter.  It is also a useful fuck-you anthem to the ex who likes to text you over the holidays, and has lame shoes: how could it be that we had something special? 

make this: spray painted accessories

when i found an old and terribly colored clutch in my closet my first thoughts were of the trash can. however in need of a new clutch i got somewhat crafty and spray painted it. gold spray paint is my quick fix for everything but i thought i might be pushing it too far with the clutch. the gold spray paint has yet to fail me and i no longer need to buy a clutch.

it’s all greek to tat.

wear this: the great wave off kanagawa.

I thought I was pretty rad when I picked up a sharpie and drew dragons on my friend’s white keds. Then I saw these. Don’t be put off by zazzle’s promo pictures of lame holiday designs and “I love Sadie the golden retriever” shoes. Obviously, you can design something that suits your level of awesomeness.

back when I was your age: everyone could play guitar.

kARMA.